Cold Feet

I knew it would happen sooner rather than later.  My old conservative, responsible way of thinking would try to undo all my plans and I would try to rationalize myself out of this trip.  “Are you nuts?”   “You must be crazy!”  “This is not going to work out well.”    “You’re just running away from something.”  “Just paint the living room a different color, that would be a tremendous change for me.”  These are all things that went through my head today.  Getting little “greetings” from MSFT Human Resources regarding exit interviews, return of company property, a “subtle” reminder of the Non Disclosure Agreement I apparently signed six years ago, and an invitation to join the Microsoft Alumni Association made this seem all too real.

But level-headedness, I smite thee!  I’m going to do this.  I know that I can.  This is what I know:

  • I’m smart, I’ll figure out a way to make this work
  • I’ll come back a changed person
  • I have good intuition, I can sense when something is awry and avoid a bad situation (hope that one doesn’t jinx me)
  • This has been a dream of mine for years, if I don’t chase it now, when?
  • It’s not the trip that I let scare me, it’s the letting go here.  That’s the part I need the most
  • This is going to be fun
  • It is going to make me proud of my accomplishments
  • I will meet fun and exciting people along the way
  • I can resettle once I get back
  • I am not running away from anything, I am running toward something

There, I’m better now.  If I could only bring myself to push that button and buy that $15,000 plane ticket!


5 thoughts on “Cold Feet

  1. When your plans are complete and there is no doubt about the destinations, PUSH THE BUTTON.

    We will miss you every day and surely wish that we were with you.

  2. Randy, we are thrilled about your trip and absolutely certain you are doing the right thing. (Disclaimer: If you are eaten by a crocodile in Tanganyika we will claim we tried to talk you out of this ridiculous caper.) Thank you for creating this blog — our only concern was losing touch with you during the trip. Now we can be with you throughout.

    • No problem. I couldn’t get a business class ticket to Tanganyika. So I removed it from my itinerary. The airline was nice enough to ask if I wanted hump or rump on the camel though. I thought that was a nice touch.

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