Well, I am eerily getting to the final phases of this long process of leaving. This weekend I travelled to Kentucky to see my family and to celebrate my mother’s 79th birthday. It’s really hard for me to even imagine that when I get home, I only have a couple days to prepare for the estate sale on Saturday. It is constantly on my mind wondering what the next couple of weeks will be like before I finally leave. On top of everything else that I am trying to remember, I sort of get the sense that after everything is sold I will feel like that, even if I do still have a house, I will no longer have a home. But when I’m honest with myself I remember that this is the feeling I’ve had for over a year now. My heart is feeling lighter the more I let go of things. I know I’ve said this here before, but is time to move on. Somehow this is something that you just know and can’t really explain.
Since I’ve been around so many people over the past couple days, I have had to talk a lot about this trip…you know, explain a few things. This is the most that I have had to do this vocally so far, and I tried to listen to myself as I talked about it. My conclusion is that even though I am on the younger end of the spectrum of my siblings, I’m very proud of the fact that I’m the first to go senile. It seems that the more I explained myself, the more my “Radical Sabbatical” morphed into the “Irresponsible Folly.” But once again I have triumphed over my ability to think logically and my good common sense by fooling myself into believing I’m doing the right thing. This battle is constantly being fought between my head and my heart. It’s a shame that my gums and top-right molar got caught in the cross-fire. They were really quite innocent.
I want to call out my entire family for the support and encouragement I have received over the past couple days. Knowing that you are standing behind me means everything to me and gives me the courage to “throw my heart out in front of me…and then race ahead to catch it.”