On being alone

We listen to it all day long, sometimes it can become annoying.  It’s that voice in our head called ‘reason,’ ‘psyche,’ ‘ego’ or whatever.  We talk to it all day long.  At least I do.  We are constantly making deals with it.  I mostly keep my end of the bargain, when I don’t I feel guilt.

I’ve been alone for a long time, and in my travelling to a foreign county I’ve further isolated myself.  That voice in my head is some days all that I hear.  I know it’s not healthy, but that voice and I always look at the world and we wonder.  Always wonder.  We wonder what Ray would have thought.  We discuss whether or not he would have liked a particular something.    I’m constantly posing that question and it’s driving me crazy.

Ray would have loved this trip and God knows that I would have loved his company.  Not to mention his opinions and his judgment. 

On being alone…You have to trust your own judgment.  I’m finding that since I don’t have a second opinion, I hash and rehash everything in my head.  Now there is the beauty of youth.  You don’t ever go to that much trouble when you’re young, you just have the time of your life without ever even thinking about it.  I watch them doing it here.  It’s still inspiring.

Ray, you would have loved the tomatoes in December here.


5 thoughts on “On being alone

  1. You are alone but you have not isolated yourself. With your blogs you allow us to come along. It’s not the same, but it’s interesting to live vicariously through your adventures.
    Two more of my friends will also be in Sydney at the end of December, Debbie and Dan. Dan’s daughter married an Aussie and lives there. She’s expecting a baby in early January and they changed their trip, from earlier in December, to later, to coincide with the birth of Dan’s first grandchild. I’ve told them that you’re there and it might be possible that you could meet up with them. They are two lovely, fun people.

  2. I think you are still detoxing from all the details you had to take care of in closing the house and making all of the concomitant changes. Your rehashing will die out as your new life kicks in and you’ll relax more. By the time I see you, you’ll probably be levitating without even noticing! I miss you.

  3. My friend, my dear friend. I am so proud of you for making this journey both of physical travel but of self discovery and incredible honesty. I know Ray is proud too…I can hear him saying, “Well, would you look at you, Packy!”
    After reading the story about the park bench and getting your pant legs zipped off (or not) I am envisioning the two of you doubled over with tears rolling from your eyes. Thank you for sharing your friendship with me and please know you have your own personal cheering section here in Seattle. We are thinking of you and are so happy you are “out there” experiencing. Much love to you today!

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