I allowed myself to become bored today. That is dangerous for, you dear reader, because I think too much when I’m bored. But don’t fret; I wasn’t actually “bored” rather I found myself with some time on my hands in an incredibly beautiful place. This alignment is a good thing, but it does allow the mind some time to wander.
I am smitten by this little town, Hoi An. I’m taken by how well it has been preserved while being visited by tourists quite heavily. I’m taken by the fact that the foreigners visiting here respect that it is a special place; we are all leaving a small footprint here. I haven’t seen any “conspicuous consumption” by westerners. It’s a very low-key place. My kind of town.
Today is the 4th day of the month. This is the first time since Ray died that I did not remember the 2nd day. When I realized that this afternoon my first feeling was guilt, then I tried to convince myself that this is perhaps progress in some ways. I sat for over an hour in one beautiful spot in the village by the river. I just watched the world go by me. I was especially taken by the late middle-aged couples. I was envious of their dependence on one another. I could see how they communicated without even speaking; they were sharing memorable moments that were unfolding every 30 seconds in front of our eyes. This accentuated the loneliness I often feel and I found myself with a tear in my eye and a lump in my throat again.
Some places are special and I think that Hoi An is one of them. It is such a waste to see it alone without seeing the delight in your partner’s eyes. Leaving you these pictures, dear reader, is the best that I can do. I’m sorry, but the whole god damned thing feels rather hollow to me right about now.