When Nikes Die

London, England: 

Both of the Nike shoes that have been accompanying Randy Pack on his around-the-world excursion expired this morning in the Marlebone neighbourhood of London.  They expired within minutes of one another.  Cobblestone streets as well as a series of stopping-dead-in-your-tracks and jumping-quickly-back-on–curb maneuvers are thought to have brought on their untimely demise.  They were in great physical condition when they left Los Angeles in early December of 2010.

Randy Pack released a statement from London’s posh Westside this morning around 11:30 a.m. Greenwich Mean Time:  “You know the right one has been ailing ever since the Holi festival in India.  On days where it didn’t appear that it could go any further, the left one would jump right in and work that much harder.  However, it appears that the countless treks up and down the Istiklal Cadessi in the rain finally proved to be too much.  They were quite a pair, those two Nikes.  I don’t think just replacing the right one would have ever worked out in the long run.  But that proved not to be necessary.  In my vain attempt to find a right replacement, the left one simply slowly disintergrated from the extra burden of grief in losing it’s partner.  They were tough Nikes, they were San Francisco Nikes, not the fair weather kind you find in Los Angeles.  I know they would have loved The Netherlands, France, and Italy.  It’s sad.”

At last report the two expired Nikes are lying in state in the Clark’s box that their replacement arrived in.  Their mortal remains will be interred in a landfill somewhere in the London vicinity.  “London landfills are some of the best in the world.  I’m so happy that I could provide such a fitting final resting place.  The Clark’s are going to take some getting used to.  They’re made up of totally different DNA” Pack said.

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